I’m seriously doubting my sanity at my decision to start this three weeks before Christmas. What was I thinking? I thought I’d have all this free time this season so I wouldn’t have to work quite so hard at getting everything done for the holiday. Well, that was a foolish thought. No matter how well I plan, seems I always come to the “slam” at Christmas-time.
I guess the lesson here is I need to spend even more time with God than usual because of all this activity and goal achieving stuff. It’s snowed and the weather has slightly dampened some of my plans. The temperatures have dipped and it’s really cold to be sitting outside. But reality is, God is always waiting for us to come to Him and I don’t want to leave Him disappointed by my busy-ness.
I’ve struggled this week to spend quality time with Him, but I realize He’s been giving me assignments this past week. I have to admit they haven’t been the easiest of things to consider, in fact, one thing has been painful to take on. Yet, I sense His presence even in this hard place and I’ve had to weigh in on whether I would indeed go for it or would I take the easy way out and just ignore Him. Ignoring just doesn’t seem to fit right now, so I consented. The hard part will come in a few days but I sense His hand in it all and I’m just depending on Him to make sure it comes out the way He desires. I may not feel relieved when it’s all said and done, but my comfort isn’t really the issue…my obedience is what He’s looking for.
L.L. Barkat, in week 2 of her book, God in the Yard, talks about the disciplines of searching for God. Such things as solitude, silence, study, and so on. I’ve been intrigued by these same disciplines for quite a few years now. They haunt me. I’ve probably read more books about the disciplines than on any other subject because I want to know God more. And yet, it all comes down to spending time with Him. Pulling aside and waiting on Him. Giving Him a chance to speak into my life. The bigger question is then, what will I do about it? What happens when I hear Him? Sense His presence? Believe He’s directing some part of my life? What happens? For me, one word wraps it all up…obedience. What am I willing to give up, offer to Him? Am I willing to do even the hard things He asks?
That’s where I find myself this week. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t have thought He’d be asking me to do something hard at this stage of the game! But why not? God has some things He needs accomplished and He’s looking for a willing heart. I so quickly volunteer to help with the things that I love…He’s caught me off guard in asking me to volunteer to do something hard. He makes me think – dang it! I can’t say no this week.
Busy week. Hard week. A week of submitting my will to His. I will Lord! Help me please…