The Day of a Little Bit is Ending

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Life changed for me in 2004, the year we moved from our home of 28 years to a new place, a new beginning, as a result of my husband’s retirement. We had no idea what this really was going to mean for us. I can’t speak for my husband, but had I known what lay ahead, I probably wouldn’t have made the move.

My entire Christian life happened during those 28 years “in the old place.” Saved at 27, I walked out of the darkness and into the Light. I thought I changed a lot during those years. I thought God moved dramatically in many ways during that span of time. There were great times and low times. When Christ walked into my life, I knew only one thing; I would never go back to my old life without Him.

Then we moved, and God began a work so monumental in our lives I actually thought for a time that I might not live through it. When I tell anyone about the early days right after we moved, I usually tell it as, “God literally threw us on the mats of our life and told us, ‘NOW I will remake you both!’.” I never knew God to be so…so…forceful before. I thought I had been through hard things in the past; this re-making was brutal. I lived through it. Gloriously, wonderfully, I survived His skillful pruning. Funny how hindsight changes your perspective.

He took us to places we’ve not only never been before, but places we didn’t even know existed! He stretched us, prodded, poked, burned, chastised, and never let up. Placed alongside Him in the yokes of His calling, we jerked and pulled. We weren’t used to this kind of leading. We didn’t much like it most of the time but we kept going. We didn’t really know where we were going, where He was taking us, but when you’re walking with the Most High God, you keep going.

Curious things began to happen. In 2005, we received our first prophetic word, spoken by a delightful man of God who has now gone home to be with Jesus. As he spoke over us, we listened in amazement as he told us of our past life together. I didn’t much like most of what he had to say; he insinuated that I was a hard-to-live-with woman! My pride got in the way for a moment, a trait I would have to deal with many times in the coming years. He turned to leave us but then stopped and came back, delivering an afterthought, the final word. This was the one that really got me, the one that told my spirit he was indeed prophetic because his words confirmed what I already knew to be true and I would do well to consider his words from Almighty God.

God began to speak to us prophetically from that day forward. We would be excited at words spoken over us as a couple, or individually, but I must say we never jumped out enthusiastically into the River of His prophecies for us. Honestly, we never really knew what to do! We might make some minor adjustments. We might try a new thing periodically. We might begin to pray in a different way. But overall, we continued to walk in the “little bit” of His calling.

All this began nine years ago. Nine years of remolding, remaking, tearing down, only to begin the work of new walls being formed in our lives. I sensed deep within something happening, but I never could put my finger on it exactly. I began to be filled with impressions and ideas. Honestly, one doesn’t hold tightly to impressions and ideas when it comes to the spirit life. They are just too illusive, too prone and tied to my own thoughts, dreams, and habits. This is what I thought at least.

Some of the prophetic words spoken over us, over me personally, seemed just too far out and I didn’t trust them. I wanted them, I wanted to believe the Lord, but when you compare the words against the fabric of your life, the weaving didn’t match up. Or so I was led to believe by the enemy of my soul. You see, the spirit of this world would have us believe anything in order to keep us from getting from point A to point B, the prophetic word of God in our lives. I knew this but I couldn’t get beyond the “little bit” of my potential. And then we went through the valley of the shadow of death at the end of 2012 (see December 2012 posting).

Today I read a prophetic word given by Matt Sorger on The Elijah List, called, “13 Prophetic Insights and Decrees for 2013.” I’m not familiar with Pastor Sorger but his words cut to the core of my being. As I read, my spirit soared and a new Word came to me from God himself. I thought I had been formulating new thoughts and ideas in the past two months as we continued through the valley. I thought I was coming up with these new ideas. As I read today Pastor Sorger’s words of prophecy, I was astounded to find things lining up. What Pastor Sorger was stating lined up exactly to what I’ve been learning over the past two or three months! Astounding! Not every single thing, but many, many of the items were given confirmation through his words. God has been filling me up with directions, impressions, and instructions for the future.

My message today fills my heart with joy. 2 Cor 3:17 states, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” I declare this Word over you today and I decree that it come to pass in your life, just as it is coming to pass in mine. The Lord is freedom. He will bring you to it and you will walk in it. It may take nine years, or ninety, but He will bring it pass. Your freedom is here. Won’t you take it up? The days of a “little bit” are passing away and He is speaking to all generations. I believe the Lord is saying to you and to me, “Believe on Me! I am turning your “little bit” into abundance, beyond anything you can even dream of.”

As I ponder the words spoken over me during the past eight years, I realize that I walked in them just a “little bit”. He is bringing you and I into the full expression of His prophetic words of Life and Light. We were never meant to have just a “little bit”. We were meant to have it all! Can you believe that?

I am grateful for all the ways He shows His love for me. Today’s lesson of love is exhilarating! I walk in freedom with Christ. He died so this be true. I’ve only walked a “little bit” in the provision of His love. I see that now. One of His words spoken over me, six years ago, was that I would walk in a new freedom. In early 2012, this same word was spoken over me by someone else, on the other side of the country. It took that for me to realize how BIG my God is! He wants me to walk in new freedom. He’s breaking the “little bit” and turning it into abundance. I just have to walk in it. Grab my hand please…let’s go together!

Releasing His Presence

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A pastor friend, Garris Elkins, posted this on his FB page today.  “Teaching to release facts is a skill. Teaching to release the Presence is an anointing.”  When I read this, something inside of me leaped.  There’s a difference.  What is it?

Jesus spoke to my heart in the next moment.

Sharing out of our love for Jesus, and sharing our testimony with the passion of Him who created us, releases His Presence to others.  Every time.  I love that the Word says, “the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophesy” Rev. 19:10.  To me, that means every time that I share Jesus’ impact on my life, His very presence in & through MY testimony, His Glory is released to those that hear…and wham! nothing is ever the same again!  It makes me excited EVERY time and then He makes my excitement contagious.  Thus, His Presence is released and transformation happens.  We serve a truly amazing God!

A New Year is Waiting…

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My husband and I walked through the valley of the shadow of death with my mother-in-law late this year.  We were actually walking through the valley during most of 2012 but, thankfully, we didn’t realize that fact.  We prayed for her healing.  We laid hands on her.  We contended.  We believed He would deliver her from her nemesis, cancer.  He did, just not in the way we prayed.  He is seeing to it that this trial is not wasted as He ushered her into His presence late in the year 2012.  Hallelujah, she is at peace now and she is free.

In the midst of it all, He is instructing me.  We are still grieving yet He is revealing, ever so gently, these recent events so I might see Him and His plan more fully.  I needed correction and through this strange valley of darkness, mountains so high on either side that there is no escaping, He administered His lessons.  I am broken and hurting at His tenderness in showing me the unkind place I have become too cozy in.  Too familiar with the spirits of this world, I hid in their midst.  The tentacles of unhealthy attitudes twisted their way into my world, causing me to become completely at home in sin.  And in the darkness of the unearthly valley, He showed me the error of my way.  I look up.  It is the only way out.  There will be no meandering out of this place.

Sin.  I never saw it coming until it slid down the slopes of the valley and we collided on the passageway leading out.  The wreckage was not so surprisingly covered up.  God was faithful however, in tenderly coming alongside and lifting corners of the veil so I could see what was underneath.  He was persistent, this Lord of mine, in continuing to urge me to take a closer look, that I might understand.

The defining moment came in a confrontation with my brother-in-law.  I thought I was going to bring the Light into his life due to the profound ways in which my Lord brought about the encounter, me wanting to share some of the weighty and remarkable things concerning his mother’s last days.  Yet it was in a confrontation that God chose to reveal myself to me.  This moment causing me to come face to face with the darkness of my own world, revealed by a clash with the one person I would most not want my humanity exposed to.  And yet, there it was…words coming out of my mouth that betrayed my own pride, intolerance, and judgment.

Heartbreaking, mournful, gut-wrenching are the only words that describe the moment when you fully understand the depth of your own sin and how utterly disgusting you are to the God who loves you most.  “I’ve failed you Lord,” I cry out.  He answers, “You are my child and I love you.”  At another time, I would have melted with His words, but in this moment I am heartbroken with the realization of my sin.  How could I have been so blind?

The days following have been difficult to traverse as I place one foot in front of the other, coming up from the depths of the valley.  The grieving for a loved one is one thing, the grieving for my own soul is another.  But I will keep coming up, however long it takes because I know just one thing to be true.  My Lord loves me like no other and He will use this trial to full advantage.  I can already see His hand in the midst of the darkness and torment that the enemy of my soul meant for destruction.  My God will have His way…because all my hope is in Him.

I hear Him, in a very soft impression.  “Keep coming up, keep looking up.  Continue on as I place your feet on the path.   A new year is waiting,” He tells me.  “Splendor and majesty are before Him, strength and joy in His dwelling place.”  I Chron. 16:27.  I can see the peaks above the valley floor, the place where He lives, and I will continue coming up…there’s nowhere else but up!

“Christ in you brings hope of all the great things to come.”  Col. 1:27.  I hear His words of old and also the new, “A new year is waiting.”  I am comforted – and encouraged – by Jesus, lover of my soul.

Waiting…

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December, as a Christian, is a time of waiting for the coming of Christ. His birth date is quickly approaching. We go to church and hear sermons preached around the arrival of our coming King. Children have a hard time waiting for the wonderful day to arrive, perhaps more interested in the gifts under the tree than the impending celebration of Jesus’ birth. We try to teach them, to help them understand that Christ died for each one of us, so we might enjoy the gift of “life” to the fullest on this earth. Rather like those children looking more toward the gifts than the “Gift,” I quite frankly don’t think we humans are very good at waiting.

Interesting days, these are. I find myself waiting too. Waiting for more understanding. For more filling up. For an end to uncomfortable portions of my life that seem to linger longer than I’d like. I’m tired of waiting for things God promised in His Word which haven’t come through for me yet. Really Lord? I have to wait some more? Really?

I’m becoming aware of the many places in my life where I long to experience Christ’s presence more fully, for my Savior’s promise and deliverance of too many things in my life. What can I do to hurry them up? Nothing. Oh drat, there is nothing at all I can do that will hurry them along, bring them any sooner, help me get there! And so I wait.

Wait. The word “wait” defined, as a noun, means a state or attitude of watchfulness and expectancy. As a verb, it means to remain stationary in readiness or expectation; to be ready and available; to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized. Oh, now some life springs up. I hadn’t thought about the word wait as a verb, an action word. Waiting isn’t static or passive, it is a state of readiness, being alert and watchful, full of anticipation and yet, willing to be patient. Patient? That might need a little work.

How about you? Are you waiting with expectancy, things temporarily neglected or unrealized? All these words imply something is going to happen. How are you doing with this aspect of our faith? I don’t do so well quite often and yet, as I’ve contemplated this today, I realize that my faith is willing to be temporarily neglected, unrealized, that I do have expectancy of Him and all His fullness of life. How? Why? Because I’ve experienced Him over and over doing the impossible in my life. He is able…to save me, to keep me from falling, to fulfill each and every promise He’s ever made concerning me.

Psalm 27:14 (NKJV)
14 Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Let’s wait together, shall we? Look for Him, expect Him, allow Him to do His best for you not only this Christmas season, but always.

Renewing Time

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Obviously I’ve been away for awhile.  Our road trip venture this summer pushed me into a space of wonder.  “I wonder what it is I’m supposed to be doing right now.  I wonder where you are calling me Lord.  I wonder what will become of me now Lord.”  Swirling thoughts of doubt, questioning and dullness.  Oh, the trip was absolutely wonderful and God showed His hand in our lives but once home, I realized I didn’t know what I wanted to do nor what I thought God was asking me to do.

I had lunch recently with an dear friend whom I haven’t had the pleasure of visiting with in quite some time.  As we talked it felt as if God had taken me, plopped me into a popcorn popper along with a bunch of seeds and turned the machine on.  Ideas were flying as I poured out my heart to her and she matter-of-factly challenged me.  I walked away from that two hour discussion energized, hopeful, and more centered than I had felt in a long time.

Just before having this lunch time explosion, I’d been reading a number of books about creativity and writing.  I’ve always loved writing, always thought I’d write something, articles mostly.  It was the starting that presented problems.  And then it’s funny how, when you believe in God, He will bring a thing in front of your face over and over so you’ll eventually bump into it.  The book, “The Artist’s Way” was one of those.  I bumped into it about three times, all from completely different sources.  The third bump hit me; “I think I need to take a look at this book!”  I picked up a used copy and dived in.

I love what Julia Cameron has to say.  It seems our creative self is a bit like a child, hiding from us, lowering her head to ignore our cries that we desperately want her to come out to play.  One of her big reasons for not coming out to play is our own internal critic’s moves to keep her at bay.  She may come out for a time, helping to write a blog for instance, and then the critic booms, “who do you think you are writing that thing?  You don’t have anything to say that anyone would be interested in.  Shut the silly thing down, close up shop, it’s useless.”  Oh yes, the internal critic is rather ruthless at times.  Well, Ms. Cameron goes on to say you have to practice, practice, practice in order to coax the child artist out and quell the critic.  Trust me, she does a splendid job of explaining this process and if you find yourself in such a spot of wanting to throw your artistic side out the window (whether it be writing, singing, dancing, painting or whatever), get hold of this book and read it…now!

I’m sitting in a retreat-ish place for me at the moment amongst huge Ponderosa Pines and a lazy river drifting by.  It’s sunny but the warmth of the sun is a bit thin here, betraying the arrival of fall in its crisp glory.  The leaves are just beginning to fall and the squirrels are quite busy, running to and fro with their mouths full of tidbits that will help sustain them through the coming winter.  I can hear God here.  “Come sit with Me Linda and let’s just be still for a time.  I want to fill you up.  We won’t worry about the impending winter just now.  Enjoy this time with Me for we’ve had so little of this kind of filling this summer.  I’ve been with you through it all, but you’ve been looking beyond Me.  Let Me give you rest my daughter.”

Oh Lord, I am so grateful for what you bring into my life.  Good books, good friends, inspirations, and yes, even down times.  They all have their purposes in molding, transforming, and the renewing Your Holy Spirit loves to bring about.  I’m breathing easy right now.  Sustain me Lord Jesus!

Road Trip

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We’ve been on the move.  One of those times in your life that you decide you’re taking the leap and doing something out of the ordinary.  There are risks in these decisions.  Will I enjoy traveling around?  Will I miss my friends back home too much?  Will I have a meltdown over not seeing my family?  Will the bills get paid like they’re supposed to?  Will the house be OK?  And then perhaps the most important question:  will God come with me on this trip?  I know, I know, that’s rather a ridiculous question because God is always with me, but I think you know what I mean.  In the breaking of your routine, at least in my life, I feared I might “fall off” my God-walk.  After all, there’s comfort in routines.

Well, I can happily report that God came along for the ride.  Yes, we did the tourist thing in many places, however God was right there with us, nudging and encouraging us as we went.  This has turned out to be a most productive trip, spiritually speaking, and a most enjoyable trip as far as traveling goes.

We’ve seen some of the most splendid country-side I can remember in a very long time.  I’d forgotten how much wide open space still exists in these United States.  Miles and miles of nothing as far as the eye can see.  And then, just when you think you’ll never see civilization again, a small town will rise on the horizon.  I’ve wondered where these people work, how they make their living as they’ve perched beyond the hustle and bustle of city life.  Something very appealing to this way of life in one respect.

We visited my family in mid-America, out to rural parts I’ve not seen in too long.  As we turned onto the highway leading us to their town, memories began flooding into my mind of the past.  It was almost overwhelming, these thoughts of the past.  It was here, visiting my grandparents’ farm, that my desire to live in the country, away from the city life I grew up in, was born.  We visited with family only to be shocked once we arrived and starting catching up that it had been 16 years since we’d been to visit.  Happy reunions awaited us along with laughter, tears, and fond memories shared.   And God joined us all in this visit.  He is a part of all our lives, a fact we’d somehow not shared before.  We all knew we “went to church” but to find out that we all have personal walks with Jesus, well that was quite wonderful to realize.  It was so unexpected and so sweet, powerful and filling.  Too quickly the visit was over and we were on our way again.  My comfort in saying sad goodbyes was overshadowed by the fact that they are all safely resting in my Savior’s arms of love.  Precious!

God came on our road trip.  We’ve learned, we’ve played, we’ve grown these six weeks.  Thank you Lord for your leading, love, and protection as we’ve traveled.  What a grand trip with You it has been.

Choosing

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Choices.  We all get to make choices.  What will you eat today?  Wear?  Where will you go?  What kind of a life will you have?  Who will you date?  Will you hold to your values?  Our lives are filled to the brim with choices and some days it’s all you can do to try and keep your head about you as you go about this choosing thing.

We recently had the privilege and blessing to go to Orlando with our son, his wife, and three grandchildren.  We were able to go to the Atlantic coast at Titusville, Florida to watch the last launch of the the Space Shuttle Discovery.  We left early, knowing there would be others who had the same thought.  Uh-oh, we’re going to be in traffic all day.  What’s our choice?  Should we go with this or turn around and play in the pool today?  We chose to go for it and the normally one hour drive to the coast from Orlando took us three hours.  OK, we can deal with this.  We watched the Shuttle launch, a pretty awesome sight for us west-coasters.  As soon as it was over, we headed for the van to try and beat the traffic out of there.  Well, we just hadn’t thought this out very well; we didn’t know ahead of time that there are only three roads out of town.  All roads out turned into parking lots!!

Here we are, four adults and three children in a van, trying to get out of town with the other trillion people with the same idea.  As you can well imagine, this could have turned into a disaster…three young children strapped in the backseat together can be a formidable thing!  Instead, my daughter-in-law, Autumn, and I kind of took it upon ourselves to entertain the troops as we waited.  Somehow, God allowed us to transform into Abbott & Costello for the afternoon and evening.  We laughed until our sides and cheeks hurt.  The children howled at our jokes and antics.  My husband and son never complained (we wondered what they were thinking as we spewed out one liners one after another).  We had a delightful day in the car…for the twelve hours it took us from start to finish even though we were only one hour away from our condo!

We get to choose so many things in our lives.  This was a day that we chose not to allow the circumstances get us down.  We made the most of it…and we had a most delightful day.

What are you up against today?  Is there a way you can turn this day/issue/trauma into something delightful?  Maybe that’s stretching things just a bit too far.  Maybe there’s no way that your circumstance can be turned into “delightful”.  OK, then, if not delightful, how about different?  God hasn’t left you alone in this , there’s always a choice in the matter.

We might as well get used to this choice thing.  It’s going to be with us as long as we’re on this earth.  I think God sits in heaven, looking down on us, and loves it when we choose to go beyond or above or around our circumstances.  I don’t know what you’re facing today, but if you can just get in the habit of looking for the way through in the opposite way of how you normally look at things, you’ll do just fine.  If nothing else, ask Him to help you choose and then go for it with gusto.  Who knows, maybe God will help you find the Abbott & Costello hiding in you too!

A Pastor with the Heart of Jesus

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“And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,  because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”   Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!  Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”  Hebrews 12:5-11 (NIV)

We were visiting an out-of-town church recently and the pastor shared a very interesting thing.  The church had a guest speaker the Sunday before we were there and evidently, or at least this was my take on it, the speaker said or did something that was out of order.  I don’t know if it was his message or his method, but I took it that something wasn’t quite right.  This pastor shared a very healthy and mature message:

He told the congregation that he was proud of them.  He told them he’s aware that some speakers he invites because the speaker has a need to hear his own message (in other words, needs a “learning” opportunity) and others he invites because they have a message for the church to hear.  Sometimes, the speaker has a message both for himself and for the church to hear.  But, the important part was that none of us is perfect  We all live in imperfect vessels.  To believe that we cannot do the work of the Lord because we are aren’t perfect is ludicrous.  If that were the case, none of us would do anything for the Lord…ever!

Perhaps you are in the middle of a divorce or ending an affair.  Maybe your boss just reprimanded you and your response was anything but Christ-like.  Or, you slipped up and used the drug again after swearing it off for the umpteenth time.  It could even be that you disrespected someone, gossiped, coveted, etc.  Whatever the sin is, whatever your temptations look like, God can and will use you.

I liked this message very much.  In this context, the speaker must have done something wrong.  But I loved what the pastor had to say about the wrong.  He didn’t judge nor condemn.  His comment was full of grace and love.  He gave the speaker an opportunity and I would guess that this pastor might have done a bit of loving correction and/or instruction when it was over.

Here’s what I love the most.  If the speaker did something in error, then this was a great learning opportunity.  He may have ended up embarrassed or humiliated a bit, but no one ever died of such things.  The pastor may have used the opportunity to teach and correct.  I have this picture in my head of a child learning to ride a bike but in the insanity of the moment, he wobbles, swerves, and suddenly the front end of the bike is jerked and the child panics and falls.  The parent doesn’t scold the child for falling but instead helps him up, dusts him off, and encourages him to get on and try again.  Sometimes, there is need of a band-aid because the fall ended in a bit of a disaster (there’s the humiliation part).  But the loving parent knows the child must get up and try again or they will never learn how to do this task.

Same thing goes for our progress as Christians.  This pastor lovingly took care of business the Sunday before with a speaker who got off track a bit.  The tricky part was that a congregation heard the faux pas.  So on this Sunday, the pastor next helped the congregation understand about learning opportunities.  In essence, he told them, “we won’t judge, we won’t make fun of, we won’t take anything away from this speaker because the important part is that he tried.  I’ve helped the speaker through this and now I want you to make sure your heart is sitting correctly over this.”  What a lovely testament to this shepherd and his flock!

The next time you find yourself involved in either hearing an error of judgment by another Christian or you are the errant offender, remember that failure is not the end unless you allow it to conquer you.  The failure is only a learning point, an opportunity to fine tune and grow, a potential turning point in your growth with Jesus.  We all fail.  We are all cracked pots.  We all biff it.  But, the Lord will use us in it all.  He will use you through the great days when all goes well, and He will use you in the bad days, when you take a dive.  The point to dwell on is this:  Jesus loves you, stands by you, and sent you the Holy Spirit to help you.  Period.

How wonderful it is to know there are such gracious and loving pastors to help us along the way!

Without Faith

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Out of “Experiencing God Day by Day”:  The writer of Hebrews reminds us that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb. 11:6).  Whenever God reveals something, He expects us to believe Him and adjust our lives accordingly.  What does this mean?  It means we trust Him implicitly for all of our needs because He says He will provide (Phil. 4:19).

Are you trusting God?  I don’t know about you, but I struggle with this at times.  Oh, it’s pretty easy to trust God when things are going OK.  It’s when things get sticky that my faith can go right out the window!

I had a realization today.  Years and years ago, I had a dream.  My dream came about when I was a little girl.  Some 20-plus years later, my dream came true.  But in the interim, my faith flagged and actually failed.  I didn’t believe anymore that the dream was possible.  The interesting part as I thought about this today is that the dream was actually a catalyst to remove me from a very dangerous period in my life!  Even though I had given up on the dream, God hadn’t.  And the dream I wanted in my future was able to catapult me into a new reality.  God used the dream to remove me from a dark future and place me in new surroundings with a fresh outlook.  That was all it took and my life was forever changed.

Romans 14:23 says, “But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.”  What has God planted in you?  What dreams did he plant in you years ago?  Are you allowing the enemy of your soul to cause you to sin by not putting your faith in God?  I’m guilty of this but I’m getting stronger and stronger in believing that God will do all that God says He will do.

All things are possible is more than a scripture to me these days…I realize that the strength I carry and walk in is not of my own anymore.  He is able, He goes before me, and He will see me through it all!  Blessings on you this day and may the Lord increase your faith to astounding levels of new joy!

I’m Walking with God

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I’ve arrived at a place in my life that I’m more and more in awe of God.  I have struggled with the fact that God loves me.  I could think of thousands of ways that I’ve disappointed, disobeyed, and otherwise disengaged myself from the Lord.  Oh yes, I knew that the Word, His Word, says that He remembers my sins no more as soon as I repent of them.  I’ve had plenty of practice with that.  But I’ve never truly gotten it that God loves me with a love so huge, so all encompassing.  Something always fell short inside.  “Oh, I’ve messed up again.  God can’t be very happy with me again.”

You see I was having a love affair with a God that I didn’t really understand.  He’s for me, not against me.  He’s always urging me on.  He’s used me in times when I figured I wasn’t very usable.  I always looked past what the Word said, and configured in my own mind this God who couldn’t possibly be happy with me and if He wasn’t happy with me, then He must not love me.  Unfortunately, these feelings come from our circumstances rather than truth.

Last week I had an experience that helped me see, I mean really see, just how much God loves me.  I was in a situation where folks around me were talking in a critical and judgmental way.  I recognized it immediately and decided that I didn’t want to go there.  Unfortunately I wasn’t in a position to remove myself.  The next day, the same thing happened, but this time I joined in with the criticism and gossip that followed.  Just that quickly I slid into sin.

Later in the evening, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my mistake.  It was as if I heard Him tell me, “Linda, you saw it yesterday, identified it correctly, and chose not to participate.  Yet, today you joined in the fracas.  Why?”  The conviction cut me to the quick.  I was so quickly filled with remorse and sorrow.  I prayed, asking God’s forgiveness of my sin, and that He help me in the days to come not to succumb again.  And do you know what?  He answered my prayer!  The situation didn’t change much over the following days and yet God helped me to simply sit back and not participate.  It was absolutely stellar!

I’m beginning to see that the shift I’ve mentioned before has to do with my perception of God and His position in my life.  I’ve followed the Lord for a good many years now.  In spite of the fact that I feel so many of those years were for naught, God is showing me new things about myself.  He’s showing me that He loves me in spite of myself.  I honestly don’t know what has kept me following Him all these years, but I’m so glad I never gave up.  My understanding of who God is and what He’s about in my life is shifting from head knowledge to heart knowing.  I never before quite got it what loving God was all about.  I wanted it, I just didn’t know how to do it.

I’m coming to a new understanding about God’s promises for my life and where I stand in His eyes.  He loves me with a love beyond anything I can think or imagine.  He knows I sin, and yet He loves me anyway.  He uses me in circumstances where I feel I’ve completely failed and yet, I can look back and see situations now where I know He used me to change something in someone else’s life.  Guess what?  He loves you the same way.

Take a moment today and consider what your thoughts are about God and your love of Him.  You may not be able to quite say that you know He loves you completely and unabashedly and, you may not be able to say that you love Him in the same way.  That’s OK.  As long as you keep on the road, as long as you confess your sins as soon as you become aware of them and ask Him for His forgiveness, as long as you keep trying to follow Him the best you know how at any given moment…well, God will continue helping you grow and moving you along the continuum.  How do I know?  Because that’s exactly what He did for this woman who didn’t understand His love and yet kept walking with Him.

Many years ago, not long after I was saved and asked Jesus into my heart, I heard someone talking about the fact that “they walked with God.”  That statement astounded me.  I didn’t get it and I’d never heard of such a thing before.  But do you know what?  Thirty-five years later, I understand that statement completely.  I’m walking with God.  I pray you will continue walking with Him too…He really is crazy about you!  And if you’ll keep walking, He’ll keep moving in your life.  I pray your journey won’t take 35 years like mine did to get the fact from your head to your heart.  Why don’t you talk if over with God today?  He’s waiting to hear from you…